Poem Collection

I DIDN’T KNOW THIS WAS THE WAY
IT WOULD BE

I’m sure you had your reasons
But that was a weak excuse
Why hadn’t you warned me
You were tying up the noose

I can’t put away the memories
That we’ve built up together
The only few I have
Coz I thought they’d last forever

They say you  never realise
What you’ve got until its gone
Still I never took you for granted
You were the only one

I could never touch another
Whether you were close or far away
I gave up my bad habits
Coz I just wanted you to stay

But I didn’t make you promise
That you’d stay with me
I just expected you to sense it
I didn’t know this was the way it would be

 

I didn’t feel the need
to touch you when we met
I never could believe all the
Hurtful things we said

I didn’t think it possible
To hate someone so much
When I didn’t even know them
Hadn’t even felt their touch

How could someone I know so well
Have a friend like you
The first impression that you gave
Turned me against the truth

When you’d gone I was so happy
But you left me so confused
You’d caught up all my feelings
I felt so broken and abused

And when you called the next day
said you want to  speak to me
I didn’t know what to say
I didn’t know this was the way it would be

You seemed so close together
Just you and her and him
I was wondering would I ever
Be able to fit in?

What had he done to her
To make her so happy
I  wondered would that ever
Happen to you and me

I don’t know where they came from
These thoughts killing me maybe
Could there ever be something
Between you and me

It didn’t take me long to realise
I would give you up without a fight
I didn’t think you’d walk away, from me
Not after that night

I always want what I can’t have
And you were number three
I thought maybe I’d learnt something
I didn’t know this was the way it would be

 

It started off that weekend
Everything had seemed so new
The grass beneath was greener
The sky a brighter blue

All of us together on a beach
Covered with the sun
I learnt how to laugh then
I learnt how to have fun

But a day won’t last forever
And I knew you had to go
And when you stayed a little longer
I let my feelings show

I covered up the mistakes
I had made the other day
When my vivacious nature had been
Scaring you away

I forgot you were only young, boy
Don’t know what you saw in me
But now you’ve sparked the fire
I didn’t know this was the way it would be

 

I wondered ‘were you too young’
Or had you played the game
You asked too many questions
When the answers are the same

You were such a challenge
I’d met no one like you before
And I wasn’t going to let you go
Until you gave me more

We could talk for hours
And never say a word
Coz even though you listened
I know you never heard

We touch when we’re together
When we’re all alone
But in any others presence
You go off on your own

But, I learnt to understand you
From what your mum had shown to me
And I think beneath it all she knew
I didn’t know this was the way it would be

 

You changed my life completely
Cut off the loose ends … then
You taped it all together
Made me closer to my friends

I remember at the party
Just us four in the room
I wasn’t sure of anything
But I know I needed you

And I remember showing you off
To all the people I could find
I didn’t Know how deep you were
I didn’t think you’d mind

I remember on that weekend
And those nights of wonderland
You and me together
I had the world there in my hand

I never thought I’d say this
But part of you’s in me
And I know I’ll never lose it
I didn’t know this was the way it would be

 

And the beauty that you gave me
On Valentine’s Day
I was flooded with emotion
I didn’t know what to say

All those days we had together
All those weekends on the beach
All those times you made me smile
Rolling sweetly in my reach

My heart is all afire
You really made me burn
And I know that I was wrong sometimes
But I guess I’ll never learn

When I’m coming up to see you
Every lonely mile after mile
I spend thinking and remembering
And it really makes me smile

All my friends are saying
There’s something new in me
And I gotta tell you baby
I didn’t know this was the way it would be

I didn’t think  he’d leave her
I didn’t know she’d break
The four of us splitting up
Was one of God’s mistakes

I wish that I was there now
She can’t handle it without  him
I wish I was standing by her
Help her through this mess she’s in

Why do I handle my friends’ problems
When I can’t handle my own
Maybe I didn’t think that
I’d be doing it alone

I just wish I had a warning
I couldn’t see it in your eyes
You kept twisting it around me
But I guess you never lied

I had set up all the future
For just you and me
But now the dreams are dying
I didn’t know this was the way it would be

All the things I dreamt of
All the things that won’t happen
Are caught up in a limbo
What is now and what was then

I had set up all the future
For just you and me
But now the dreams are dying
I didn’t know this was the way it would be

In my mind you’ve walked away a 1000 times
And each time hurts a little more
But we can’t go back to then
Back to the way it was before

I really didn’t notice every
Bend and every turn
I knew it was the last time
I wasn’t going to return

I could see the changes
Flash there before my eyes
I was losing you to another
But she couldn’t hear my cries

You were so young, so naive
And I can look back now
And blame it all on me,
But I know that you were wrong too
And one day, you’ll find that out
I didn’t know this was the way it would be

I hope that you can see
You tore my world apart
And even when I look at you
You’re still playing with my heart

But I’m so glad you chose her
And not anyone else
Coz I couldn’t have forgiven you
I would’ve done that to myself

And now you can’t look at me
And I can’t look at you
And if we could just change it
All the things that we would do

But I see when you’re with her you do
It all so differently, all the things
I wanted you to do with me
I didn’t know this was the way it would be

I want to say I miss you
I want to say I care
I want to say I love you
But I can’t now you’re not there

Everyday gets harder
Every second without you
The grass beneath is paler
The sky a duller blue

All those days we had together
All those weekends on the beach
All those times you made me smile
Crawling further out of reach

I didn’t know this was the way it would be

DREAM (or some such)

I can taste the cedar of heaven’s door
The temptation becoming a little more
Never knowing what I’m doing it for
Just holding on until my dream is yours
On the edge, and learning the law
Every moment knowing I’m wanting it more
Another stage in the Other Sides store
With feet in my mouth, heart on the floor
Getting harder and harder to even the score
Finding I’m breaking the every law
Knowing the changing is eating my core
Washing the innocence from every pore
Knowing whom god saved ecstasy for

AT THIS MOMENT

At this moment
There’s somewhere I’d like to be
It’s where the adrenalin’s pumping
And you’re deep inside of me
A little part of me

Just let go
Tearing away from me
Travelling into you, I know
A little part of you is in me
Trying to find a place to stay
Near my heart, attaching itself
And growing every day
There’s one thing that I know
It will never die
It will never leave me
Coz it’s locked deep inside
When I’m alone
It beats for my heart
So It can have a break
From falling apart
At this moment
There’s somewhere I’d like to be
WITH YOU

GODDESS OF TIME

Lay your heart
Next to mine
On this bed of thorns
Called love

Suffer the dreams
That will never let you forget
The way it was
When she was there
A lesson learnt
Never forgotten
A lasting love
Never remembered
Only time
Can heal a heart
That has been trodden
Into the thorns
She must have been
The goddess of time
To play with my heart so
As she does now
And forever will
For every time I look at her
I fall in love again
And I cannot
Look away

REGRET

And there I sit
A shadow of a shadow
A shadow of the past
In a shadow of doubt
Regret

PAINT MY LIFE

Paint my life with heartache
Pattern it with pain
Strip me of protection
Then leave me in the rain

Colour it with teardrops
Sprinkle it with lies
Lacquered with deception
Covering the cries

STONE HEART

Everything I see
I see through your eyes
So pale and dull
Are the problems I once had
So bright and young
Too young to realise

And I hear more now
Because I don’t listen
Too new the sounds
Because I accept the difference
I have what I lost
But it’s still missing

Take away my senses
Because I want something more
Yet, that is you
And are you here with me
Would you rather leave?
Then to see it through

WAVES

Thoughts running through my mind
Like my fingernail running
Along the crevice of the wall
It’s got so far away now
To me, it was just the slip of a the tongue
Will I ever know now
Lashing against me
Like waves raining blows against my body
Closing in
On my misplaced words
Young feelings
Whirl me away
Like a strong hand in the
Midst of a battlefield
Wind, Rain and Fire

NOT EVEN LOVE

You don’t have to tell me
Our love isn’t going anywhere
We’ll say it was fun
And live on the memories
I don’t want to lose
The little things we have left
But if we keep going
It’s only going to get worse
Yet we both know that
It isn’t over, far from it
Maybe we need a break
Time to understand each other
But we won’t let go, because
We need each other so much
I can’t remember
What I did before I met you
So hard to remember
Still too easy to forget
I won’t know completely
Till I look in your eyes
If what I feel is right
When we lose so much
With just a few words
When we never talked
Is that how I lost you?

I want to say so much
I’d do anything to make it right
You’re screwing me up inside
And I don’t think I can take it, anymore
Don’t you think it hurts me?
Tell me what did I do wrong?
Why won’t you tell me?
Or don’t you even have a reason
Did you find someone else
Or are you just tearing me apart
I’m looking back now
And though I’m wrong, at least
I didn’t do you wrong
I didn’t mean to hurt you
But you hurt me too
Look Baby,
I didn’t want to cause you pain
But don’t you walk away
Without telling me why
Although I know you don’t
Love me, do you think you ever could
Because I won’t let you
Walk away while I’m feeling these feelings
Not even love is as good as this
Not Even Love

DOUBT

What was I to you
Just a figure of doubt
Coz when you heard a rumour
You just walked right out
You never thought to trust me
Never thought to care
Never thought to love me
Except when I was there
So you tell me it’s still on
Tell me it’s alright
But you really tell me nothing
Except hints of  goodbyes
I have to tell you something
Though Babe I thought you knew
It’s only coz you lied to me
That I could lie to you
But how could you believe
That I’d done what I had said
I could see in your reaction
Our love was good as dead
Each moment that I’m holding on
You’re letting go. Even though
You believe their words
I still love you so

SMOKING

You were the thorn without the rose
But these words mean nothing
To one who knows
All I’d wanted was peace of mind
But you weren’t ready to that kind
You were all the creatures, dark of the night
Always watching, always there
I’d already lost the fight
Mine was just a stranger’s touch
All that we had it just didn’t mean much
Look at what we left behind
Habit, I broke you just in time

COMPLICATED

I’m sure what I had was lost
Even before you stepped into my life
Coz feelings like this don’t last forever
At least not mutually
But would I know?
And if I did would it be the truth anyway?
Because what is right is so wrong
Why we can’t we be together every minute
I need you
Equal love isn’t on equal footing
Reversing and changing
Maybe it is just that night will live forever
We won’t
Love won’t
I think I’ll slip away with the dinosaurs
Slip (in and out) with the simple
Yesterday, yes I’m looking forward to it
Coz I’ll never trust a hippie
It’s not dangerous
Just me
But then, you always thought that I was
Complicated
Will I  give it up
Or you
Or will someone do it all
For us

TOMORROW

I live life for today
Never waiting for tomorrow
I always have, since I was young
To lead and never to follow

Not even when I did
Step back, let someone take over
It was all revenge, a jealous act
Convince you, I’m your lover

No one can touch you
In a living now, it’s only in the past,
The future ‘they’ can take your soul
Ask you where you’ve been

Damn you, I even defeated
Those sapphire eyes
I’m not ready to suffer for my
Jealous lies

Why didn’t you tell me
If you hold onto the good times too long
They aren’t the good times any more

I can’t even, even the score
Why didn’t you tell me
I’d wake up one day

And it would be tomorrow

MOON OVER MADNESS

I’m going to swim through the stream of the shower
A’fore we drown in its flow
I’m gonna untwine the vine from the flower
A’fore it strangles our love
(If you were looking for a waterfall
You found it in my eyes)

The sun is drowning in the ocean
Eclipsing last light
Across the sky in ochre shades
Last rays of goodbye
And I can feel it in the air
An unordinary night
And I can sense the hidden danger
It’s a simple crazy sight
Oh, I forget to text you baby
There’s gonna be a moon over madness tonight

ABSTRACT THOUGHTS

Yet you stir a cauldron of silence
When I would rather be left with loneliness
Than feel that again
Bring me back to reality
Of a lesser living land
Never silence
I hear you world
Your words are louder than actions
And yet I am here
Where? Here on the edge. Hear my tale?
Your tale? Yes. Is it true?
As true as the moods of the wind
Hear?
No, listen
Churrup – Churrup, tis’ nature
Ball Bounce
Ball?
Yes, Round ball
Presence tapping
Who?
Friend
Why hide when I see you young one
Friend?
Not friend
Hiding from the world
Why? Hurting
Hurting

Shattered Science
All is isolated
Did they not hear it?
Oui
So many waiting. What for?
Knowledge
They realise. They emerge
Where from?
Building
Scraping, wake the dead
Why say
Meaningless metaphor
Sounds good, like nature
Sounds?
Birds
Quick, many people, many
Where go?
Another building, early boot
Stay too long. Why?
Dead, did not hear
Still sitting, no enthusiasm
Why stay?
Have to
Get big paper with writing
What?
Completed mini millennium
Shadows creep, cover
Why care?
Rain too much
Screaming Silence
Why scream silence?
Want silence. To teach knowledge
Want to?
Some do, some don’t
See him?
Oui
Alone, running late
Trouble?
Maybe
Wait no longer, disappear
Where?
Away
Will return again soon
Cauldron will settle
And world leave
For no need to stay
Where you are not wanted

LESSON
I guess if I knew then, what
I know now
I never would have fallen
For you
I never would have had
To go through
What I’m going through
Now
I never would have
Trusted you
Only to be betrayed
By you
I never would have come to
Depend on you
The way or how much
I do
And I could have saved
A lot of people
A lot of pain
And maybe, just maybe
I might have missed
A valuable lesson
A valuable love

STAY FRIENDS
Did you know how it felt
When you sliced my soul
I needed you do much
But you thought it was better
To stay friends

I held on so long, hoping
That you would change your mind
I guess I knew all along
But I was in love and
Love is blind

But that was a long time ago
And the heartache has waned
How can I tell you, what
He told me, and not break your heart
Like he did mine

I care because you’re my friend
My first real friend, which
Makes it so much harder, so much
More painful, but we have to
Stay friends

WRAPPED IN MYSELF
Last night you told me
I’m too wrapped in myself
So I looked around
To find something to be wrapped up in
I thought of all my toys,
And went up to the attic to play with them
Those that didn’t bring back forgetful memories
Crushed to dust there before my eyes
I saw my puppy playing with the rubber bone
Surely he couldn’t crush to dust
So I cuddled him, just glad for him to be there
But he ran onto the road before I could stop him
And I saw Katrina walking up the street
I ran over to her and with tears in her eyes
She told me she was leaving
She told me we’ll always be friends
And then she turned away
And I saw Wendy, she looked so lost
I waved, but she didn’t wave back
She said I was a user
And I said she shouldn’t listen to rumours
If she trusted me
But she didn’t

So I looked back
To all the things I used to be wrapped in.

TBC

BAD LUCK
Colours, all together, make up the opal
A rare and precious thing
But listening I hear some people say
Bad luck is all they bring
I’ve always compared you to an opal
With your spectrum of a mind
Bad luck was all you brought me
It was my love that made me blind

COME TO THIS
What’s wrong with me?
Why didn’t I think it would come to this
I was holding on
Though I knew it wasn’t forever
It was close enough

And I touched the blood
Coz that was all I had
Why’d he have to do that to you
Why‘d you have to do that to him
Why were you holding out so long
Why’d you have to break

And if I could’ve done it
I would have, but I couldn’t
Coz the good times
Were cantering through my mind
And then they were gone
And you were still there

It wasn’t right, I couldn’t touch or help you
I couldn’t even look into your eyes
I couldn’t face the end
Let alone take you there
Why’d it have to come to this
And you’re still calling me, Carmen Peb

Kind of a plead but simply a suggestion
But you didn’t ask, you told me
And you didn’t want help
You wanted revenge
I’m sorry I won’t do that
Even for you

You say I play games, all the things I do
But this is the most dangerous game
I’ve ever been in
And I can’t get out
Worse you want me to cheat

Worse still
I’m right, so right
And you thought I was wrong
At least I’m still together
I’m not crazy
Even though I’m all apart

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