Moroccan School Of Guilt Tripping

  • Do you ever feel like you are not getting enough out of people?
  • Feel that your manipulative skills could do with a polish?
  • That your ability to inspire trust and then betray to get your fill is lacking?
  • Basically, do you know that money does buy happiness as long as someone else funds it?
  • But you can’t seem to convince the rest of the population?

Well, here’s your chance, these are the basic skills of a perfect Moroccan con artist.

There’s a whole country working, (and thriving) on these principles. Quite simple to adapt to, infinitely better when used on tourists, but essentially your superb ability to adapt these skills to any situation will only increase your benefit.

Rule 1. Never Get Aggressive.

Remember always that you are the victim! A true con will always come across as weak as possible. No matter what your object of desire throws at you; abuse, rationality; Agree with them! They are right, you understand, but you are not like the others. Once a fragment of anger or defense comes from you, you will lose your control of the situation.

Rule 2. Persistence.

You have all the time in the world! And, like courtship, the game is the fun bit. Stick with it, let the person/s know how special, intelligent, beautiful they are. But not sickeningly so, just let it get in every now and then. Hold eye contact because then they believe you are honest. Give them your time and your hospitality. Offer all that you have – which is not much of course! Endear them, even when they abuse you or get suspicious of your intentions, let them know how hurt your feelings are, how insulted you are – of course you don’t have feelings, but everyone can act.

Rule 3. Advice

Offer them what they want to hear. Tell them the ‘real’ prices of things and warn them of other bad people “cous-cous in head”; let them know you’re on their side. This, while instilling trust in them for you, makes them wary of your adversaries, like ‘keeping business’. Because really, you understand what they are going through, these ‘poor’ foreigners in this ‘nasty’ place and their emotional trauma is so much worse than the strain on their pocket.

Rule 4. Dealing with Foreigners

Specifically relating to tourists, remember the important questions:

Is this your first time in Morocco?
From this you gleam their understanding of prices, if they say yes, they have none.

How long have you been here?
This also affords you the knowledge of how hardened they are; get them the first week or two.

Where are you from?

  • English- loads of cash, but wary, sometimes extra work, but worth every pound.
    American-  all dollars, no sense, easy pickings.
  • Other Europeans- they have so much in common with you, except they are rich, take advantage of this.
  • Aussies and Kiwis- Not worth as much monetarily, but so gullible emotionally that draining them to their last penny because of their principles is great fun.
  • East Europeans and South Africans- Just ignore the fact that they are from poorer countries than you, they’ve got something or they wouldn’t be here, take it. Who cares about how long they worked and saved.

Rule 5. Everyone is Stupid.

You are the only one with a brain, no matter what, they are all dumb. They all have money they want to give to you, they all have a soft spot, FIND IT!

With these simple rules a whole economy is thriving, Morocco the land

of …

  • ‘Berber Maisson’  Trans. ‘I want to sell you a carpet’
  • ‘Drink tea with me’  Trans. ‘I want to sell you a carpet’
  • ‘I am a student and want to practice my English/German etc. Trans. ‘I am picking your pockets, but first I will take you to a shop where I get commission’
  • ‘You are going the wrong way’  Trans. ‘you are going in exactly the right direction, but it doesn’t go past my shop’
    ‘Beware of cous-cous in head’  Trans. ‘You're MINE, I tell you, mine and no other con is going to get his hands on you’
  • ‘You are welcome’  Trans. ‘….. too fill my pockets with money as you just said something which upset me’
  • ‘I cannot get work’  Trans. ‘my pockets are lined with euros, dollars and pounds and it’s stupid people like you that brought my lovely big house for me’.

The mind-blowing scenery and imperial cities are only a small part of Morocco – what you really come here for is to acquire the skills of the second oldest profession in

the world, guilt-tripping.

EVERYTHING HAS A PRICE!

When it comes to the crunch make sure you remember everything they had – every cup of tea, every biscuit, information, petrol – really make them feel guilty – everyone else paid, look at how much they’ve saved because of you, they are your friend, your brother, your sister, how could they leave you with nothing after all you have done for them? How will you eat, sleep, survive?

And don’t forget, first price is ten times what you want, and go down to 70 percent, or 50 maximum, they are stupid!

This is dedicated to anyone who has ever traveled Morocco and not paid for ‘baggage’.

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One Response to “Moroccan School Of Guilt Tripping”

  1. aloser says:

    hahaha man that was good and so true, i loved this article keep up the good work.

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